i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
