I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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