Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
