I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
