I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
