You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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