The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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