Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
