Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
