she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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