I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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