In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
