Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
