corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
