i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
