She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
