I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
