I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
