bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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