your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
