I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
