i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
