after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
