Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
