He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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