Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
