I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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