giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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