She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
