He kissed a someone with a penis
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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