my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
3pm strippers are depressing
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
