dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
