Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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