I smell stomach acid.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
