my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
