Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
