If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Can you bring me the toilet please
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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