youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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