I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
