Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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