she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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