He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
