my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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