First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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