I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
