Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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