Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's shark week go big or go home
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
