i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
