Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
