her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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