even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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