Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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