I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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