im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
