He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
