Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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