i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
All the doctor said was why
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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