He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
