i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
