New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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