"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
